i jhust puked up my retainher.
handjob tips. give me some.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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