Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
