Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
