If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
