areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
