But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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