the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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