He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
