ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
