I got chris browned last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
