high people should be assigned attendants
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
