she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
