Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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