so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
