I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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