it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
