I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
