never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
