You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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