Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
