I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
