have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
