I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
