drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
