you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
