woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am mentally ready for anal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
