brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
