ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
