we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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