Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
