My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
