Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
