i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
