the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
