I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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