she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
