i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
