So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
