Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
