I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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