omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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