I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
