Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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