i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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