He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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