before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
