You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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