wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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