Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
