mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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