i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
