this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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