is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
