I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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