I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
