did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
