the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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