Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
