I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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