Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
