rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
