I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
