Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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