i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
