I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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