Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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